The fog before my eyes the last couple of weeks started to lift this week. I’m exhausted and ready to take long vacation to recover. But time stops for no one. What irks me the most is I could have avoided this extreme fatigue if I stick to my to-do list. Without that list, nothing is completed unless it relates to my father’s care or work.
I swim around without heading to the end of the pool. I don’t touch my draft or anything related to writing. I want to finish but it never gets done. I keep beating the rug outside but it never gets fully cleaned out. I believe my only enemy is myself. It isn’t the doubters who don’t think I will never finish my novel or others who believe there is no future with writing. The person I see in the mirror is the person holding me back.
My personal goals are always pushed back for anything that doesn’t need me to think about writing. I focus on all the wrong things instead of finishing what’s before me. The picture is how I feel on most days. I fake being awake to do any unproductive tasks such as playing World of Warcraft. I can do fun things but I also need to write for carry out my dreams. I wonder if my lack of urgency with it is to blame. That is another soul-searching post in itself.
Knowing is half the battle but doing something about it is the other half. I need to start doing instead of ranting about it anymore.