The fog before my eyes the last couple of weeks started to lift this week. I’m exhausted and ready to take long vacation to recover. But time stops for no one. What irks me the most is I could have avoided this extreme fatigue if I stick to my to-do list. Without that list, nothing is completed unless it relates to my father’s care or work.
I swim around without heading to the end of the pool. I don’t touch my draft or anything related to writing. I want to finish but it never gets done. I keep beating the rug outside but it never gets fully cleaned out. I believe my only enemy is myself. It isn’t the doubters who don’t think I will never finish my novel or others who believe there is no future with writing. The person I see in the mirror is the person holding me back.
My personal goals are always pushed back for anything that doesn’t need me to think about writing. I focus on all the wrong things instead of finishing what’s before me. The picture is how I feel on most days. I fake being awake to do any unproductive tasks such as playing World of Warcraft. I can do fun things but I also need to write for carry out my dreams. I wonder if my lack of urgency with it is to blame. That is another soul-searching post in itself.
Knowing is half the battle but doing something about it is the other half. I need to start doing instead of ranting about it anymore.
It’s been said a million time; there’s never enough time in a day. The older I’ve gotten, the truer this statement has become. When I’m focus on my writing project or reading a book, somehow time disappears leaving me little time to get other things done. But time doesn’t discriminate against anything I do. No matter how small the task, it always takes longer than I thought.
I love to plan and organize my day. Little is done if I don’t. And lately it hasn’t been done due to obligations that toss any plans out until they are done. My mind becomes muddled at that point and I relax playing War of Worldcraft or watching TV. Pretty anything that isn’t productive calls me.
Sadly, time works with me if I take the time to write what I need to complete each day with a limit on each task. If I don’t finish the task within the allotted time, then I move to the next task and pick up the unfinished task again the next day. It’s time management 101 from what the books and articles I’ve read. (I love to read on the topic. ^_^)
It works so well for me. I just need to keep the habit of writing down the tasks and how much time I have for each.
How do you feel about time? Enemy, ally, or both?
The new season of Game of Thrones is heading into its fifth episode this weekend. Somehow I lost the excitement of waiting for the next episode. I’m not sure what happened and why I’m not in a rush to watch the last episode aired. It’s strange but maybe I’m just not excited because nothing huge has happened to keep me interested.
Wading interest is nothing new, but this time it happened over night. I half watched episode 3 and haven’t watched episode 4 yet. I know it isn’t the graphic nature of the series. That only leaves the plot. Everything is starting to move, yet not enough for me to become involved.
This has me tied up in knots as I really want to get myself involved in a new fantasy series. TV series or book series will do. The series hasn’t been read yet because I’m afraid I will lose interest over a while based on what I heard. My excitement for the Wheel of Time is over, but I’m sure it will pick up again just before the last book comes out next year. Otherwise, I haven’t found another series to hold my interest book wise. And there isn’t another fantasy TV series on air I’m aware currently of. This leaves me to search again for something new.
At what point do you know the excitement is over for you? Is it similar to my experience or different?
I’m in my first week of Boot Camp and the pressure is already on. First my 100k goal is falling short so far, the writing is terrible, and the second week blues is coming during the first week. Yet the original idea behind this marvel of crap is great and very much alive somewhere between the lines. I haven’t given up hope yet because it is a first draft and they are not supposed to be good.
The urge to edit has been locked away in the shed until this draft is finish. Still the nerves are setting in after I read back the paragraphs. I wonder how I will turn this draft from a rock into a gem for fantasy readers across the world. Ambitious words coming from someone who is not ambitious at all, and it is being murdered in front of my eyes. If I write one more was, could, would, ing, or anything else I repeated 3 times, I will shred it electronically into the bin of no return.
Harsh words do not belong next to a draft, but it is hard to get away from it. The rain may come crashing down on me before I make it half way through this novel. I’m ready to end this month already and it hasn’t been a week. The words are eating me alive and the only thing I can do is to move forward in the word count to see a light at the end of the month.
My rant is done. I’m going to return to writing my guts out on the paper and try to forget everything else.